CATE SAZHINA

tapetoretinal abiotrophy

My vision is 3%, actually, it’s not that bad.

Perhaps I am one of the people who see the life as “glass half full”. That’s because you don’t have to be afraid of everything. You can actually choose the worst one. For example, if a child was born blind, it’s tragic. But there are arms and legs, the child will be able to eat on his own. He will be able to talk and maybe even sing. The main thing — the child is alive!

It’s really tragic when a person is being told — “the child won’t be able to survive, so don’t get used to his life here”. Take oncologic conditions, that’s real tragedy, it’s a terminal disease. Everything else you can cope with, and not just cope with, but live your life with dignity.

It’s easier to cope with your own conditions and deduce to what you actually have. Ask yourself “What do I have?”, and then think how you can use it in new conditions. You have the head, the mind is well, and you have work skills. It’s not that you stopped loving, breathing. You still have relatives, your home you can always find something positive.

but how can I be happy if I’m blind and can’t see? — well, try to touch it!

My maternal instinct is strong. I don’t understand when people talk that someone went ahead despite of genetics, lots of risks of having a vision condition, that you put your child under risk. Well, don’t teach me, I’m happy that my children were born in a loving family, because ill children can be born to completely healthy children and it’s not a cause for not having a family.

Actually, that’s just the world of blind people- you rarely see couples that have a partner with a healthy vision and with a blindness, those couples are unsuccessful. Eventually, the healthy partner starts to be ashamed of this union. Both, my first and current husband, had low vision.

Following your desires isn’t always easy, but I’m a person who seeks joy. I like trying new things — arm-wrestling, vocals, piano, buttonbox, judo, choir-singing, powerlifting, hiking, leaning German and English languages, writing poetry, or learning to play Vargan (Jaw harp). It wasn’t always like this.

When I was in the 9th grade, I got a “magic pill” against unhappiness, when I was on a brink of suicide. I was a new kid in a school for kids with vision disability. That’s when I learned of bulling, because was not welcomed by the class-mates. During the first six months there, we considered my return back to home-schooling, and it’s was the easiest thing to do. However, I probably wouldn’t have achieved my goals, such as getting a degree and have a chance to become independent. I chose to stay in the school.

At the end it made me cherish my home and the feeling of protection. I learned how to look at things with laughter, and I developed personal strength. I learned to be happy with life, and enjoy it. Now, the life for me is my eternal joy.

Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and push through. No matter how difficult the circumstances are — it will end. You can either give up or change your attitude toward life.